ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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