Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
