i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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