im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
