I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She bit a glass in half.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
