I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
