Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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