Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
