i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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