So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
