I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
