i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
