What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
