watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
