We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
