LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
