She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
