did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
