She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
