i used baking grease as lip gloss
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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