Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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