1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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