True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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