I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
