I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize