I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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