Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so let's talk penis.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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