he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
