Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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