All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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