Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she peed on how many people?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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