Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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