Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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