Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize