Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
