I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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