dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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