I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
