i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
