What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
