Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
