Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
