she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
