We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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