Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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