Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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