we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want nice things and good sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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