just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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