I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
