Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
