College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry about my life...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
