Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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