There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
