dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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