In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
