They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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