I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
