I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
