Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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