His pubic hair was longer than his dick
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
