girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
