tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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