I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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