you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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