gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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