the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My bed smells like the plague
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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