either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
