Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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