Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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