So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
