MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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