Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize