My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
