I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
