K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
