I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize