I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
