This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize